Pizza Delivery
by AmityTheDerpy
Summary: You know that SpongeBob episode Pizza Delivery? What if Divergent characters were in it.. R&R, Minor Insurgent spoilers. But if you're on FanFiction, you would know all about the spoiling. *Hums McCandor pizza song* ONESHOT


"Hurry up with those chairs, Marlene, it's after closing and I want to go home." Eric called. Eric had to get a part-time job at the McCandor while he was in custody for the community service. He was rather grouchy about it. The phone rang. "I got it! I got it! Coming!" Marlene leaped toward the phone, but Eric grabbed it before she could reach for it. Marlene loved the McCandor, and she lived and breathed working there. "Hello?" Eric said roughly. "Sorry sir, we're clos-"

Four started walking up to Marlene and Eric. He snatched the phone from Eric. "Hello there, McCandor's owner speaking. How can I help you?" "glarblearblelarble." The phone's garbled speech was inaudible to Marlene and Eric, but Four understood. "Pizza?" Four's eyes lit up. "Of course we have pizza." "Uuuhh, Four?" Eric frowned."Our delivery ex-leader will bring it over." Four hung up. "Four. We don't serve pizza." Four walks up with a box of pizza. "I meant we don't deliver." "We don't deliver. But you do." Four said quietly. Eric grunted. "Can't you get Marlene to do it?" "Great idea! Take Marlene with you." Marlene bounces up, grinning from ear to ear. Eric scowled. "That's NOT what I had in mind!"

"Front end... check!" Marlene was inspecting the car. Eric was looking annoyed, leaning against the car "Antenna..." She twanged the cars antenna, much to Eric's annoyance. "Check! Bumper..." She knocked to the bumper. "Check! Bumper sticker.." She inspected the sticker, which had the Dauntless symbol on one side and displayed in bubble letters: _'Dauntless are the Best!' _"Check!" Marlene uncaps the tire pressure and inhales a little. "Tire pressure..." She blows out all the air into Eric's face. "Check!" Eric's mood got worse. Which is highly improbable, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Marlene jumped up and smiled. "Vehicle inspection complete!" Eric rolled his eyes. "We're really making McCandor history here, Eric. That lucky customer is going to get the first McCandor pizza ever!"

Eric rolled his eyes. "Good. Then you drive." Marlene's smile faded away slowly. "I can't. I'm still in driving school." Eric grunted. "Come On, Mar. It's just around the corner." Marlene frowned deeper. "Well, yeah, but..." Eric frowned. "Just do what you do in school!" He said with increasing annoyance. "Well, okay. Wait. Don't tell me." "Back. It. Up." Eric scowls and leans back. "Huh?" Marlene started to get panicky. "Back it up." "All right... back it up." Marlene grabbed the stick shift. "Back it UP!" "Okay! Okay!" Marlene freaked out. "Shift into reverse Marlene." Eric frowned. "Reverse? Oh, yeah, reverse. Hahaha..." Marlene looks down to shift it, but the words turned into Japanese. ""BACK IT UP!" Eric roars. Marlene shifts the gears, clearly not in control of her actions. "BACK IT UP!" She shoves the shift into a random direction. "Give me the wheels Marlene! GIVE ME THE WHEELS!"

_Much, Much, Later._

* * *

"Backing up! Backing up!" The car suddenly stops. Eric peers at the fuel. Empty. "Well, you backed up." Eric says softly. "And you know what? I think we're out of gas. And you know what else?" Marlene meekly cowers for a split second, then recovers. "WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!" "And you know what else? I think the pizza's getting cold." Eric frowns. "And the pizza's cold?" He says sarcastically. "Oh, the pizza's cold. Not the pizza! How can this get any worse!" They both hop out and Eric kicks the car. The car starts up again and zooms off to McCandor extremely fast. "Well, we can still deliver this on foot." Both start walking. Eric winces. "Ow, ow, ow. Marlene, my ears." Marlene was singing happily, and extremely off-key.

_"The McCandor pizza,_

_Is the pizza,_

_For you and me~_

_The McCandor pizza, is the pizza,-"_

"-And my feet are killing me. Whoa!" Eric trips over Marlene. "Marlene? What are you DOING?" Marlene is obsessively rubbing the ground. "It's an old pioneer trick." She stands up. "I saw it in a movie once." Eric sighs irritably. "Marlene, this is no time for-" "-Shh, shh, shh. It's working." Eric looked on curiously "What is it?" Marlene pointed to the ground. "Truck! 16 wheels. Now I can show you how the pioneers hitch-hiked." Marlene jumps in front of the road and starts dancing.

"Huh? Crashin' Frashion Break Dancers!" The Amity driver cried. "He's stopping! He's stopping!" She continues dancing, oblivious to the fact that he was in fact not stopping. Eric shoves Marlene out of the way and they run off.

_Later._

* * *

_"The McCandor pizza_

_is the pizza_

_for you and me~. _

_The McCandor pizza_

_is the pizza_

_free delivery~. _

_The McCandor pizza_

_is the pizza_

_very ta-asty."_

Marlene is bouncily singing off-key again. But an extremely strong wind picks her up, and Eric flies up along with her. "Will you let go of the stupid pizza already?" Eric shouts. "I can't!" Marlene shouts. "It's for the customer!" Eric snorts. "Who CARES about the customer?" He shouts. "I do!" Marlene shouts. "Well, I don't!" Eric retorts. The wind stops and Marlene adruptly fell down. "Eric!" She cries. The wind picked up again, and Marlene started to fly again. Eric screams in frustration. "MARLENE, LET GO OF THE PIZZA!" Marlene was stubborn. "No! It's for the customer!" The wind picks up more, and Eric is starting to lift. "Marlene! Let. Go. Of. The. PIZZA!" He shouts. The wind turns into a full-blown tornado. "Marlene!" Eric looks down and panics briefly, but calms down. He is a Dauntless, after all. "Hang ON to the pizza!"

The tornado rages on, but it the spits Marlene and Eric both out. Eric falls down, and land hard on the hard packed dirt. Marlene, however, uses the pizza as a parachute and lands softly on the floor, almost daintily. "Hey? Hey!" Eric scrambles around, almost breaking the fourth wall, and discovering this is a story- which would be bad if he did. "Where's the road? Where's the road? WE'RE DOOMED!" He shouts into Marlene's face. "How are we gonna get home? Which way do we go?" He whips his head around violently, as if by fiercely shaking his head, the path would magically appear. "What are we gonna do now? I think we may be beyond the fence!" Eric starts to panic considerably. Marlene boldly looks Eric in the eye. "The fence's that way." Eric groans. "Oh, don't tell me, all-knowing Erudite. The pioneers?" "That's right." Marlene nods to a rock, which had moss growing on one end. "Moss always points to civilization."

Eric's voice drips with malice. "That way? That way there?" He points to where Marlene is indicating. Marlene nods. "So let me get this straight. You think we should go that way?" Eric says with irritation quaking each syllable. Marlene was oblivious to the anger and obvious hatred and nodded. "Yep!" "Well, then I'm going the other way." Eric says, and stalks off to the other direction. "Huh?" Marlene was confused. "Er, wait! I don't think pizza is.." He rolls his eyes, his eyebrow piercings glinting in the sun. "Trust me. I know where I'm going." However, if you look really closely, you can see Chicago in the direction Marlene was pointing to.

"_The McCandor pizza,_

_absolutivally~"_

Marlene is singing again, and Eric is just about to have steam come from his ears. Marlene then starts to break out in an outrageous Gangnam Style dance. Eric swears, far louder than his usual tone of muttering the obscenities he's been muttering under his breath.

Later.

* * *

_"Pizza!"_

Marlene stops Gangnam Styling the right way and then starts moon-walking backwards. She makes random beat noises, much similar to drum noises.

_"Pizza~"_

Later.

* * *

Marlene grabs a microphone from thin air and starts belting out the words, karaoke style.

_"McCAAAAaaaAAAaaanor pizza,_

_Is the pizza,_

_For you and,_

_MeEEeeeeEEEE!"_

Still later.

* * *

_"Mc... Candor... pizza... ugh."_

Marlene stops in her tracks in a dead faint. Eric kicks her in the back. "Mar, we gotta eat something." He says roughly. Marlene sits up and brushes the hair from her face. "I remember in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat pebbles." Eric spots a patch of pebbles and takes a fistful. He shoves it into his mouth and starts chewing- breaking several teeth in the process. "No, wait..." Marlene trails off, looking thoughtful. "Maybe it wasn't pebbles." Eric blanches and spits out the mouthful he has now. The pebbles also have little yellow-white colored specks in them, that look extremely tooth-like. "Maybe it was dirt." Eric eyes the dirt and takes some hesitantly. "No, mud..." Eric throws the dirt down and drags Marlene to her feet. "Give me the pizza!" Marlene stood her ground, having an extremely Dauntless moment. "Wait, I remember now! It WAS pebbles!" Eric shouts in frustration and shakes his head, his ears and eyebrows sparkling like Edward Cullen. "GIVE IT TO ME!"

Marlene broke away from Eric's grip. "No!" She points accusingly to Eric. "We promised it was for the customer." Eric frowns. "You're right!" He says, overly cheerful sounding, but he certainly didn't feel cheerful. "It's for the customer." Marlene brightened, thinking that Eric may be giving in, for the first time. "Yeah!" She beams happily. Eric continued with his tactic. "Maybe we should check on it, just to see if it's okay." Marlene hesitated. "Well..." Eric pushed her harder. "Just a peek!" He insists. He grabs the box from the ground and throws the lid open. The sight, the smell of the pizza was so strong, they could almost taste it. Both of their stomachs growled loudly.

Marlene strays away from the pizza. With an extremely strong resolve she backs away. "Okay, its fine." Eric looked closer. "No! I think I saw something!" He cries. Marlene zooms back to the box faster than you can say 'Faction.' She peers down at the saliva-inducing sight. "Oh, no. I was wrong." Marlene was too hypnotized by the pizza to back away now. "It looks okay." Eric observes. They sit in silence for a few milliseconds, then Eric breaks the silence. "Sure is a fine-looking pizza." He says. Marlene was thoroughly entranced by the pizza's delicious looks and nodded. All she could get out about its spellbinding beauty is one word. "Yeah."

Eric was also engrossed. Not by Marlene, ew. But by the delicious pepperoni pizza. But he saw an opening, and decided to tempt Marlene some more into letting them eat. "Is that the cheese?" Marlene's eyes sparkled. "Yeah." She says. Eric mentally grins. "And the pepperoni?" Marlene was starting to droll a smidge. "Yeah." "Oh, it looks good." He says in his most seductive voice. Marlene snapped to attention. "Wait a second!" She cries. "I KNOW what you're trying to do Eric." She finds the lid and slams it on the pizza box, so its hypnotizing tastiness wouldn't tempt either of them. "I'm NOT letting you eat this pizza!" She snatches the box out of his hands.

Eric swore. He was this close! "Give me the pizza!" Marlene's face contorted in anger. "NO!" she screeches at an ear-bleeding decibel. Eric lunges toward Marlene. "Don't make me take it away from you, Marlene" He yells. Marlene kicks him in the chest and sets the pizza down. "Get away!" she yells. She grabs the pizza and runs away. Eric barrels on after her. Marlene may be small, but she is built for speed. "Get back here, Marlene! Give me the pizza!" He shouts. Marlene's legs are working overtime to make up for the fact that her arms were encumbered by the pizza. "No!" She screams back, over her shoulder. Eric's face twisted with rage. "Marlene!" "No!" "Marlene!" "No!" Eric scowls. "Wait!" He cries. Marlene, as if on auto-pilot, instantly replied with equal verve. "No!" She then trips over a rock. Eric takes that chance and catches up with her.

"I want that pizza, and you're going to hand it over, one way or another." He breathes deeply, and is about to continue. He opens his mouth. "Look! We're saved!" That happy cry was Marlene. Eric rolls his eyes. "Sure, we're saved, now give me some pizza!" Marlene is dancing around to an invisible conga beat. "Saved, saved, saved, saved! Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved!" Marlene starts doing the cana-can. "Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved! Saved, we are saved!" She finishes with a knee slide to Eric's feet. She dramatically gestures to a boulder. Eric groans. "That's just a stupid boulder." Marlene runs up to the rock. She cradles it as best as she can, given it's enormous size. "It's not a boulder." She sniffs. "It's a rock." She cries happy tears, hugging it as if it were Uriah. "It's a big, beautiful old rock." Eric rolls his eyes as Marlene climb it. _"What is she going to do next? Name it Uriah?"_ He thought. "Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles and miles. It's in great shape too."

Eric's temper with the pioneers finally snapped. "Marlene, would you FORGET those STUPID PANSYCAKE pioneers?" He screams. He stomps his foot, as if he were a child throwing a temper tantrum. "Have you ever noticed that there are none of them left? That's because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate pebbles and took directions from moss! And now, you're telling me they thought they could drive..." The rock screeched to a halt in front of Eric. Marlene was on top of it, looking smug. Eric was lost. "Rocks? Hold on there, Jethro."

Later.

* * *

The rock screeched to a halt in front of an Erudite household. Marlene hops off and dances to the door with the pizza. A very pissed off Dauntless traitor opened it. "Yeah?" He says gruffly. "Congratulations sir!" She cries happily. "Your McCandor pizza is here!" She gives it to him, beaming from ear to ear. She looked a lot like the Cheshire Cat. "Wow, thanks. I've been dying for one of these." His face brightens a little, then it clouds again. "Where's my drink?" Marlene's smile faded. "What drink?" She says, her voice cracking a little. "My drink!" He says angrily. "My diet Dr. Candor!" He scowls. "Don't say you forgot my drink!" Marlene frantically flips through her order notebook. "How am I supposed to eat my pizza without a drink?" He says accusingly. Marlene's lower lip starts trembling. she bites it to stop it. "But.. but..." She couldn't talk. The traitor was furious. "Didnt you ever once think of the customer?" He slams the pizza into Marlene's arms. "You call yourself a delivery kid? Well, I ain't buying!" He slams the door into Marlene's face.

Marlene walks back to the rock, a wobbly smile on her face. _"That kid looked like she went through her first_ _break-up." _Eric thinks. Marlene climbs up on the rock and sits down, sniffling. Tears stream down her face. The smile is gone. "Mar? Calm down." Eric rolls his eyes. She sniffles, and stifles a sob. A little comes out. "Take me home." She shakes her head. "We haven't given the pizza to him." Marlene says shakily. Eric rolls his eyes. He realizes that they weren't leaving until he gets his pizza. Sighing, he takes the pizza and slides off the rock. He slams his fist into the door until the traitor opens the door again. He spots the pizza in Eric's hands and frowns. "Another one? Look, I told your girlfriend that I ain't buying." He puts as much rage as he can into the last 3 words. Eric was just going to force it into his hands and walk away, but calling Marlene his girlfriend was just too much. "Well, this ones on the house!" He yells, and slams the pizza into the guy's face.

Fuming, he stalks back to the rock. Marlene eyes the lack of pizza box and wipes her eyes. "Did he change his mind?" He shoots Marlene a dirty look. "He did." He says roughly. Marlene's face brightens. "No drink?" She asks. "Nah. Now take me home." Eric clambers onto the rock. "Now take me home." Marlene smiles and starts up the rock. "Are you kidding? There's just enough time to get back to work!" She backs it up and they are immediately transported to McCandor. Eric pales. "More WORK?" He roars. Oh, MY ACHING EARLOBES."

_**The End**_ ^-^

* * *

**Authours Note: HOW DID YOU LIKE IT! This was really fun to write. I love SpongeBob! If you wanna read mre funniness, read my other Truth Or Dare story (shamelessly advertises) You know what I love? Yes, I do love Divergent and Insurgent. And FourTris. And Tobias. But I love REVIEWS AND PM'S! I love getting an e-mail from FanFiction saying I have a review! So R&R or Ericward will come and get you! What other SpongeBob (Or MLP) episode would you like me to spoof?**

**Happy Holidays!**

**~Toast**


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